


A Soft Story

by feverkylo



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Ryden - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Holding Hands, M/M, just a soft love story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 02:08:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9470648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feverkylo/pseuds/feverkylo
Summary: “I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”“No,” Spencer said softly. “Well, sometimes, yeah. You can’t just lock yourself away from everyone once things get too real. You need to talk to Brendon, okay?”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I wrote this little thing in the spawn of two days and honestly I'm still not sure if I like it.. I decided to post it anyway and I hope it makes you smile at least once. Enjoy!

The icy path laid ahead was reflecting the sunlight, making it shine almost painfully into Ryan’s eyes. He glanced at Brendon before taking a cautious step forward.

“Shit!” He squeaked when he almost slipped, only barely steadying himself. He heard Brendon laugh and turned to glare at the boy. “Real mature, Brendon,” he said. “Let’s see how well you walk on ice!”

Brendon only rolled his eyes before walking forward carefully. He held out his hand and looked at Ryan expectantly. Ryan started at the boy dumbly -Brendon looked absolutely fucking breathtaking.

“Take my hand, dude! I don’t wanna fall and die,” Brendon said, shaking his hand in the air. Ryan swallowed, turned his gaze down and grabbed his friend’s hand. “Now if we fall at least we’ll fall together,” Brendon grinned, but Ryan wasn’t amused.

They started making their way down the icy path, hand in hand, trying to steady each other the best they could. The path was supposed to be a shortcut from their school to the dorms, but because of all the ice it took almost twice the time to walk through it than usually. 

Despite all, Ryan wasn’t complaining. He just held onto Brendon’s hand and hoped he’d never have to let go. Ryan was pulled out of his thoughts when Brendon yelped, suddenly losing balance and falling backwards. He clutched twice as hard onto Ryan’s hand and before they even noticed, they were both on their asses on the cold ground.

“Brendon you fucker,” Ryan cursed at the boy for pulling him down too, but Brendon only laughed.

“Are you okay?” Brendon managed to ask, lifting one mitten covered hand to rub his eyes.

Ryan rolled his eyes and got up carefully. His lower back hurt, but he bet it would be worse tomorrow. “I’m fine. Come on, get up,” he said, helping Brendon back on his feet.

Once the two of them made it to the yard of the dormitory, a yard which was fortunately not as slippery as the road, Brendon dropped his hand from Ryan’s. Ryan let go, of course, he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries -even though Brendon was a pretty affectionate guy. It made him kind of hard to read, though. Usually it was easy for Ryan to understand what people felt from the look in their eyes or the way they acted, but Brendon was something else.

“Can I come over?” Brendon asked, once again grounding Ryan’s drifting thoughts.

“Sure,” Ryan shrugged, avoiding eye contact as if Brendon could somehow sense he wanted the boy’s hand back in his.

“I need to talk to Spencer about something and Jon isn’t home anyway,” Brendon sighed and Ryan gave him a small smile in response. “Plus I really wanna beat your ass on Mario Kart again.”

“Fuck you.”

-

”Hi Ryan,” a familiar voice chirped, making Ryan lift his gaze from his diary. Brendon’s head was peeking into Ryan’s room through the door. The boy was smiled brightly at him and invited himself in the room.

“Hi.”

“What are you up to?” Brendon asked, walking in further without asking. Not that Ryan minded, though he could feel his body getting wired up. “Spencer kicked me out because he has to write an essay,” Brendon said before Ryan even had a chance to open his mouth.

“Well, I kind of need to write an essay too,” Ryan shrugged, lifting his diary which he hopes passed for a notebook. Brendon’s eyes thinned and he sat down on Ryan’s bed, making the mattress shift.

“That’s your diary,” Brendon pointed out flatly and Ryan felt his cheeks heat up. How did Brendon know that? His notebook and diary were almost identical.

“No it’s not,” Ryan chocked out, deciding to lie. Brendon only laughed and rolled his eyes.

“You’re a bad liar, Ross,” he said, probably in hopes of pissing Ryan off.

“Whatever.”

For a few blissful moments they sat in silence and Ryan wrote some more lines in his diary, but Brendon’s presence was making it impossible to concentrate.

“Why are you so tense?” Brendon suddenly blurted out. Ryan put his diary down and lifted his eyebrows at Brendon.

“Am not.”

“Again; you’re a bad liar. Did it hurt when you fell?” Brendon grinned, talking about earlier, but Ryan could sense he was thinking about the cheesy pickup line ‘did it hurt when you fell from heaven?’

Ryan thought of shrugging it off, but Brendon was looking at him with such certain eyes he nodded. "Yeah. Kinda."

“Turn around,” Brendon advised and Ryan cautiously obeyed, turning his back to Brendon on the bed. He felt his whole body tense when Brendon landed his hands on his shoulders. “Hey. It’s just me,” Brendon said, but his tone lacked the usual amusement. He sounded calming, which Ryan thought was very uncharacteristic for him.

“Are you giving me a neck rub?” Ryan asked. He would’ve laughed weren’t he so nervous with Brendon’s hands on him, touching him softly. Brendon hummed and shifted in a better position behind Ryan. They fell silent and Ryan took in a deep breath, calming himself down the best he could. If Brendon was going to give him a neck rub he should let himself enjoy it and analyse it all later.

“I used to always give neck rubs to my mom when I was still at home,” Brendon said after a while. Ryan could hear the smile in his voice and nodded. “She told me I had magic fingers.”

Ryan couldn’t help but snort at that, causing Brendon to smack the back of his head gently.

“Hey!” Ryan turned around, but Brendon set his hands back on his shoulders and squeezed gently.

“No sexual jokes when I talk about my mom.”

“I didn’t even say anything!” Ryan protested, though there was a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“But you were thinking of it.”

Hell yeah I was, Ryan thought, but realised he shouldn’t probably say that out loud. He went back to his earlier position, deciding to just let it slide, but then Brendon dug his fingers in Ryan’s shoulders and Ryan couldn’t hold back the moan escaping his mouth.

Brendon chuckled victoriously and repeated the act, untying the knots in Ryan’s shoulders and upper back. Ryan was suddenly very glad he was facing the wall, because his cheeks were probably bright red and little noises kept escaping his mouth as Brendon kept working his ‘magic fingers.’ Christ, that boy was going to be the death of him.

“You’re tensing again,” Brendon suddenly pointed out and Ryan let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

“Everything okay guys?” Spencer’s voice suddenly asked, causing Ryan to jump. He turned to look at his roommate who was now standing at the doorway with a cup of coffee. “Do I even want to know?” He asked as he took in the sight of his two friend sitting on the bed with Brendon’s hands still on Ryan’s shoulders.

“We fell when we walked back,” Brendon explained, seeming to be completely chill. “Ryan landed on his shoulder so I’m giving him a neck rub.”

“Well, that explains the moaning,” Spencer said, giving Ryan a ‘that did not explain the moaning’ look.

“I have magic fingers,” Brendon grinned, holding up both of his hands.

“You came to investigate my room because you heard moaning?" Ryan hissed at Spencer, ignoring Brendon’s second mention of his fucking magic fingers.

“Yes, sorry! I’ll close the door now,” Spencer laughed, backing away. “Give you some privacy...”

“Fuck you,” Ryan bit, but didn’t receive a response. He wanted the ground to swallow him right about now.

“What was that about?” Brendon asked, laughing in a slightly confused matter.

“Nothing.”

“You two have too many inside jokes. I feel like I’m getting left out,” he pouted.

“It was nothing. Can you just get back to what you were doing?” Ryan snapped.

When Brendon didn’t move, Ryan sighed and got up, moving to sit in the armchair at the corner of his little room. “Fine, then. Thanks for the massage, but I really need to write my essay.”

“Oh. Okay,” Brendon said, his voice a little hollow. Ryan looked up and instantly regretted doing so. Brendon looked like a sad puppy getting kicked out. He got up from the bed and hesitated for a moment before walking to the door. “I’ll catch you later,” he said before leaving.

Once Brendon was gone, Ryan buried his face in his hands and groaned. He was angry at himself for snapping at Brendon, but what was he supposed to do? Brendon was too fucking naïve to see through Spencer’s comments and Ryan was honestly a little surprised Brendon hadn’t realised that he had an embarrassingly huge crush on him. Or maybe he had noticed, but tried his best to ignore it. It didn't seem like the most realistic possibility, but Ryan had his fears.

Ryan bit his lip, drawing out blood. The metallic taste filled his mouth and he sighed in defeat. He was sure he could never muster up the courage to tell Brendon about his crush, but he was also certain he couldn’t handle more platonic hand holding or friendly neck rubs without getting to tackle Brendon on the bed and kiss him. He needed to do something about this, he just wasn’t sure how.

-

Isolating himself from everyone had always worked and Ryan wished it would work this time too. It probably wasn’t the healthiest way to cope, but Ryan just didn’t feel like getting up or putting on actual clothes instead of pyjama pants or talking to people at school.

So here he was, sitting in his room, reading a book by Henry Miller. His phone had been off for almost three days and he hadn’t gone anywhere during all that time. He wasn’t sure what he’d missed, but it didn’t matter. Spencer would fill him up on the latest gossip and whatnot once they got a chance to sit and talk. Which would be when Ryan finally felt like he could leave his room and face the real world again.

There was a knock on the door which made Ryan jump slightly. He didn’t move from his bed, but then there was another, more demanding knock and he sighed in annoyance.

“What?” He barked once he was faced with Spencer.

“You’ve been in your room for three days,” was all Spencer said.

“Two and a half,” Ryan corrected. “I’m fine if that’s what you’re asking.”

Spencer rolled his eyes and crossed his hands over his chest. “Clearly you’re at the top of the world, but that wasn’t what I was going to ask.”

“Then what?” Ryan sighed. He met Spencer’s blue eyes and suddenly started feeling a little guilty for his actions. He dropped his hand from the door handle and stepped into the kitchen area.

Spencer’s glare softened and he moved. “I made tea.”

“Thanks mom,” Ryan joked, but Spencer didn’t laugh. They both moved to sit on the small kitchen table and Ryan watched as Spencer poured him some tea. “I’m sorry,” he blurted out.

“It’s all right,” Spencer sighed. “Not like it’s the first time you’ve locked yourself in your room.” Somehow that made Ryan even more guilty, though he was sure Spencer didn’t mean to make him feel bad. “What’ve you been thinking?”

“This and that,” Ryan muttered, accepting the hot teacup and blew away the steam dancing over the liquid.

“Brendon?” Spencer guessed, accurately of course. Ryan nodded. “He’s been asking about you. He’s worried he did something wrong when he gave you the neck rub,” Spencer grinned at the last part, apparently unable to hide his amusement. "I told him you're feeling a bit sick."

Ryan felt both thankful and embarrassed. He didn't want Spencer having to lie for him, but the fact that he did meant a lot. They'd been living as roommates for two years now, so Spencer knew about his introverted tendencies -his need to lock himself in his room for peace of mind every now and then.

“God,” Ryan groaned. “It’s not his fault. I’m just... over thinking.”

“You’re always over thinking, Ryan,” Spencer pointed out. “Just tell him you like him and get it over and done with!”

“But what if he doesn’t like me back? What if he thinks I’m messed up or what if-”

“Dude, he gave you a fucking neck rub.”

“That’s hardly anything!” Ryan cried out, though he knew he was overreacting. “He’s Brendon, you know. He’s like that.”

“Oh yeah, he just has a habit of holding everyone’s hand and giving massages to all of his friends,” Spencer rolled his eyes.

“How do you know about the hand holding?”

Spencer was quiet for a moment. “He told me.”

Ryan raised his eyebrows, not really sure of how to feel about that. Spencer had a pondering look on his face, but then he finally looked in Ryan’s eyes.

“He told me all about it and he asked me stuff about you. I’m pretty sure he’s crazy about you and I feel like I’m betraying his trust by telling this, but God! I’m tired of watching you two tiptoe around each other!”

Ryan looked at his friend with wide eyes, unable to get his thoughts straight. Brendon liked him? Brendon had asked about him? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck!

“Fuck,” Ryan chocked out. “I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”

“No,” Spencer said softly. “Well, sometimes, yeah. You can’t just lock yourself away from everyone once things get too real. You need to talk to Brendon, okay?”

“Okay,” Ryan nodded quickly, suddenly full of nerves.

“Promise me you will, Ryan. I’m not letting you ruin this one,” Spencer joked, but Ryan didn’t laugh. Instead he promised he’d talk to Brendon. “He’s probably still at school. He said he’d practise something on the piano or something.”

-

After thanking Spencer for being a great friend, phasing around the apartment in search of his scarf, running all the way to school and slipping and falling three times, Ryan was finally inside the old building. The hallways were mostly empty this late in the afternoon, but a few art majors had stuck around to snap photos of each other in the lounge.

Ryan leaned against the clothing rack until his breathing evened out and then started slowly making his way along the long hallway. The music classroom was at the end of the building, but since the school was silent Ryan could hear soft waves of music floating around, getting louder the closer he got to the music room. Ryan felt his heart rate picking up as he imagined Brendon’s possible reaction to what he was about to tell him. What if Spencer was wrong? What if Brendon didn’t actually like him? Ryan stopped in his tracks.

No, he needed to do this. Spencer had to know what was up and even if he didn't -well. He'd still have to tell Brendon. Ryan took in a deep breath and peeked inside the classroom. He spotted Brendon, his back to the door, playing the wooden grand piano. The sun shined in through the tall windows, making every little ball of dust flying around visible. Ryan stood by the door for a few seconds, listening and watching. Brendon looked like someone could make a painting of him right in this moment, like someone should make a painting of him. He was stunning.

Ryan didn’t recognise the melody Brendon was playing, but it sounded beautiful. He hated to disturb the artistic flow, but it was now or never. He knocked on the door loud enough for Brendon to hear over the music. His fingers stopped touching the keys and the boy turned around on his seat. Ryan followed the curve of his spine up to his chocolate eyes.

“Ryan! Hey,” Brendon said, sounding surprised. A small smile spread on his lips and he tapped the empty space on the stool next to him.

“Hey,” Ryan said a little awkwardly. “You play really well,” he said as walked over to Brendon and sat down, their shoulders getting pressed together.

“Thanks,” Brendon smiled. For a second they just sat there, breathing and thinking of what to do or say next. “What are you doing here?” Brendon then asked. “Spencer told me you were sick.”

Ryan huffed, smiling a little. “I wasn’t really sick.”

Brendon looked confused and somehow it made him look adorable as hell. Ryan was suddenly sure of the fact that he needed to tell Brendon about his feelings; he needed Brendon to know everything.

“I was just. Isolating myself, I guess. I do that sometimes and I’m fully aware of how annoying that is,” he said, his voice wavering a little. “I wanted to kind of avoid you.”

“Is it because of something I did?” Brendon asked sadly and Ryan felt a twitch in his guts. God, he didn’t want Brendon to be sad because of him.

“No, not at all. I really like it when you hold my hand or just come hang out in my room... or give me neck rubs,” Ryan said, smiling a little. He looked into Brendon’s eyes a little nervously, relieved to find the other boy smiling back at him. “And I really like spending time with you Brendon. I really like you.”

“I really like you too, Ryan,” Brendon bit his lip to keep himself from smiling too much. They inched a bit closer to each other on the piano stool and Ryan gathered his courage to reach out and entwine his fingers with Brendon’s.

"I mean it, Bren," Ryan pressed on, wanting to make sure they were on the same page here. "I like you."

"I know," Brendon said, laughing quietly. He looked so happy. "I mean, I know what you mean. And I like you too."

“Would it be okay if I-?” Ryan started, but Brendon was quick to lean in and press a quick kiss on Ryan’s lips. It was a little clumsy, a little shy -a perfect fit.

“Yes,” Brendon said, grinning, "it would be okay." Ryan smiled and they kissed again.

“I’m really happy you finally told me,” Brendon admitted then. He squeezed Ryan’s hands in his own.

“Finally?”

“Well during the past few weeks your crush has been... kind of obvious, I guess.”

Ryan groaned, a little embarrassed, and pressed his head on Brendon's shoulder to hide his face. Maybe he should've known he was being obvious.

“Why didn't you say something to me?” Ryan asked.

“I was scared you didn't like me," Brendon said. "Or that you thought I was too intense or something. I asked Spencer some advice and he told me you’re very emotional and you have a tendency to overthink about everything. And then I felt like maybe you weren’t ready and. And. I just didn’t want to scare you or anything. I wanted you to be ready.”

Ryan thought about it and somehow he was glad Brendon hadn’t been the one to do the confronting. Maybe he wouldn’t have been ready. Maybe he really needed to hide in his room and think about everything before doing this. He wrapped his arms around Brendon and pulled their bodies as close as possible.

“Are you mad at me?” Brendon asked cautiously. Ryan shook his head, brushing his nose against Brendon’s neck in the process.

“No. I’m a little mad at Spencer for saying I’m emotional though,” Ryan said, making Brendon chuckle. “But to you,” Ryan looked up and in Brendon’s eyes. “Not at all. Thanks for letting me be a mess.”

Brendon only smiled in response and shrugged in a ‘no problem’ way. He was so precious, Ryan suddenly thought, and kissed Brendon’s neck softly. He kind of regretted thinking Brendon was naïve because clearly he was the more naïve one here. Ryan sighed against Brendon’s neck and decided to just let the past be forgotten because he was currently hugging the cutest boy ever.

They decided to just sit there in each other’s embrace for a while longer, and Ryan told Brendon that he fell three times while running to see him. Brendon promised to kiss every bruise better.

-

The following night Ryan felt homey in his dorm room. That usually never happened, but now he couldn’t help the fuzzy feeling in his body as he turned off the kitchen light and walked in the bedroom. Brendon was lying on his bed, wrapped in his blanket and mindlessly scrolling through his phone.

Ryan walked to the bed and kind of awkwardly lay down. Brendon reached to set his phone on the bedside table before laying down and wrapping his arms around Ryan, pulling their bodies together.

“You’re cold,” Brendon mumbled, nuzzling his nose in the crook of Ryan’s neck.

Ryan didn’t bother answering, he just hugged Brendon’s warm body under the blanket and thought of how fucking lucky he was. He wasn’t really sure of how all of this would work out, but for now it wouldn’t matter. All that mattered was how warm and safe he felt in Brendon’s embrace.

“I like how you feel against me,” Ryan quietly admitted.

“You’re bony.”

“Rude.”

“Didn’t say that’s a bad thing,” Brendon giggled, cuddling closer. “I’m tired. Can we sleep?”

“Of course,” Ryan nodded, pulling back to kiss Brendon’s nose before finding a comfortable position again. He was pretty sure this was what pure happiness felt like. Brendon was soft and warm, pressed to his side, his breathing washing over Ryan’s neck in even puffs. Ryan hadn't realised just how starved he was to have Brendon in his arms before he finally did. He sighed peacefully, unable to think of anything but how much he liked Brendon. Judging by the way Brendon was holding onto him, the feeling was mutual.

 

 


End file.
